What is my child's love language? What is a love language? Why do I need to know what my child's love language is? How do I fill my child's love tank?
All of these questions and more are answered in The 5 Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell. I learned a lot from reading this book and intend on reading it a few more times just to make sure I don't forget any of the information. The two authors explain how your child doesn't know you love them until they really feel your love. Every child feels love in different ways. There are 5 love languages that make them feel loved in a way your child will understand. They are gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, and acts of service.
There is a chapter for each of the love languages explaining exactly what it is, how to show it, how to know your child has this love language, etc. At the end of each of the chapters there is a list of ideas to help the parent show that love language more effectively to their child. I absolutely loved the lists. I am a list person so when I saw these at the end of each chapter I was thrilled. The ideas are wonderful and most of them I would have never thought of on my own.
At the end of the book there is a love language mystery game to help you figure out what love language your child/children speak. Both of my children are too small to take the quiz (they are 1-1/2 and 3-1/2). It is meant for children starting at age 5 and up. Reading this book, I did discover through observation that my 3-1/2 year old has the love language of quality time. My husband and I began to notice more that he loves to be around us both. He follows us around the house, he loves to help daddy in the garden and mommy in the kitchen, he loves to just sit and have us read to him, and he likes to just BE with us. It doesn't matter what we are doing or not doing he is right there. Before reading this book I thought he was just bored or something. I thought maybe he wasn't independent. After reading this book, I better understand why he does the things he does...he loves quality time with us. My 1-1/2 year old is still too small to tell. But, in a year or so he will start to develop a more solid love language. Right now he is content to just play or read.
The authors also want the parents to realize that a love language is not set in stone. Just because Bear (my 3-1/2 year old) loves quality time does not mean he doesn't love gifts or physical touch as well. They have a primary love language as well as others that help support the primary LL. The LL's can also help you to effectively discipline your child. After you discipline your child, love on them so they feel love even when they have done something wrong. If they only feel loved when they do something right or live up to your expectations (which can be unrealistic) they will grow up to have low self esteem, anger issues, and relationship issues. I can relate to this personally. I know there were times growing up that I did not feel loved by my parents when being disciplined. I have self esteem issues, anger issues, and relationship issues. Coincidence? I think not. Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell hit the nail on the head with their research on this subject.
I am so glad I got to review this book while my children are young. It has helped me to see love through their eyes. How I react and speak to them is how they feel loved. If I scream and yell and them all the time, they don't feel loved. A child is quoted in the book as saying "My parents yell and scream at me to stop yelling and screaming." Wow! I don't know about you, but it was an eye opening moment for me. Have I ever done that to my children? If so, I hope to not do that again.
As parents, we should be continually filling our children's love tanks. If they don't feel loved and we discipline them they will feel rejected. It is hard to recover from rejection. Before we demand good behavior from our children we have to first make sure they feel that we love them. Otherwise, the discipline will only make them feel unloved. Chapman and Ross also came to the conclusion that the volume of your voice determines your child's reaction. If you are screaming for them to clean their room, they will feel like it is a bad thing to clean their room. If you speak kindly and give them instructions, they will be more obliged to do whatever you ask of them.
I am telling you this is a MUST READ for every parent or parent-to-be. Even if you have older children, it's not too late. There have been cases in which the parents started later in giving their children what they needed (their LL) and the child responded positively. If you have more than one child keep in mind that not all of your children will have the same LL. They will probably all be different. I recommend this book to anyone with children in their life. Whether you are a mommy, daddy, grandparent, aunt, uncle, children's minister, librarian. It doesn't matter, if there are children around, they need to feel loved. The way they feel when they grow up depends upon how they were loved as children. Read this book today to learn different ways to speak your child's love language.
Here are more resources about The 5 Love Languages of Children:
5 Love Languages of Children: http://www.
The 5 Love Languages: http://www.
If you would like to WIN this book simply leave a comment below telling me how many children you have in your life (whether your own or your grandchildren, etc.). Don't forget to leave your email address so I can contact you if you win. I will announce the winner 1 week from today (that is April 17th).
*I was given this book in exchange for my personal review. All opinions expressed here are solely my own.*